Everyone who knows me knows that I am the most type-A person on earth… and I’m only slightly exaggerating. I thrive with structure, but, oddly enough, I also suffer with monotony. Change was always a part of my life growing up. I lived all over the United States, spent time in Australia, traveled, and did every kind of schooling system imaginable. I became so used to meeting new people and getting fresh starts that I began to expect it.
Staying in one place for too long never felt right. I crave change to keep things exciting, but also to keep me free. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve begun to realize that change doesn’t have to be synonymous with escape. In fact, I can still embrace change in my life without using it as an excuse to run.
The past few months have issued a lot of change for me. I’ve seen myself grow as a person and become better for it. So I’ve decided to stop running, and instead, welcome the new and transformative parts of my life that come to me. I’m not seeking escape, but growth… and isn’t that the greatest change of all?
I
’ve always been deeply, deeply uncomfortable with change. I hate it, actually. My ideal living situation is being stuck in one of those Groundhog Day time loops where I can just complete my silly little routines every day with no disruptions, but unfortunately, science has yet to discover a way to replicate that.
In my experience, change has usually meant going from something comforting and dependable to a complete unknown. But (sigh) I’m starting to realize that complete unknowns aren’t always a bad thing, even if they do feel uncomfortable at first. Starting Blossom was a huge change, and learning how to be honest and vulnerable in my writing has taken a lot of work, but it’s been more rewarding than I ever imagined it could be.
So now, I’m trying to open myself up to change. At least until I can figure out how to get myself into a Groundhog Day situation. Then all bets are off.
