I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out some optimistic, happy thing to say about “firsts.” But I have to be honest, firsts terrify me. Maybe it’s my incessant need to overthink, my crippling anxiety, or the fact that I can’t even go to a new restaurant without looking up the menu first (I need a couple hours to rehearse my order, okay?). But firsts are scary. I think of the first day of school, moving to a new place, making new friends, even going to a party. All of those things make me anxious and a little afraid. First impressions. First dates. The first time someone sees you cry. Firsts are vulnerable, and I’m not good at being vulnerable.
Despite these fears, I think it’s important to experience firsts. I think of all the things I’ve done, and I don’t regret any of them — even if I was nauseous from anxiety the whole time. If we didn’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we would miss out on friends, opportunities, and experiences. It’s important to ignore the side of you that’s scared, and listen to the side that is excited. Every day I get anxious because of Blossom. It’s always the biggest thing on my mind, but I’m glad it exists. From our launch day to now, every post, every edit, every piece of art is a first — a chance to learn and grow and connect with others. I hope this month’s stories connect with you as we talk about first experiences and all the emotions, fears, and excitement that come with them.
I’m a late bloomer. And I know that I shouldn’t be ashamed of that because everyone needs to grow at their own pace or whatever, but honestly, I’m starting to get tired of it. It’s weird to be an adult and still feel like you’re waiting on all of these big milestones - your first real job, first apartment, first relationship. It starts to feel like a giant to-do list that you’ve fallen behind on, instead of something to actually be excited about. I don’t know how to get away from that, but lately, I’ve been trying to focus on other, more unexpected firsts. Things that were never on the to-do list in the first place.
A year ago, I never would have imagined that I could be a part of something like Blossom. The thought of sharing my writing with other people still makes me feel a little queasy, especially when it’s personal, but it’s also rewarding in ways that I never could have expected. I feel like I’ve grown so much in these past few months, just thanks to interacting with all of the incredible people who make this website possible. Everything we do here feels like a step towards something else that I thought was impossible. I don’t know what new firsts it will lead me to, but I can’t wait to find out.
